Moving

Hi All,

I'm moving over to http://jyslifetimes.tumblr.com/.

Blogger has treated me well and it's so hard to say goodbye, but I feel I get better outreach at tumblr.

Much love and I will write/post more soon!

Best,

James

Entanglement

He was driving home in the rain when it hit him.

“This is ridiculous.”

They knew this would happen. The project meant he had to be away from her for many months, doing things that seemed like gibberish to everyone.

“He smashes things,” she would tell her friends.

And he did. Small things. Things so small, it’s hard to tell if they exist until they collide.

…sharing different heartbeats…

He pressed the button on his phone and let it record for a beat.

“This song came on and made me think of you.”

He recently discovered voice memos and he had something to say on this long ride home, under the pouring sky.

“Tomorrow will be half a year since we last met and I’m falling apart.”

He pauses as an oncoming car blinds him momentarily.

“I wish I could share this car ride with you, along with this dark sky.”

He turns down the volume of the song.

“I still feel you, 10,000 kilometers away. Maybe your taking a nap right now and tracing my path home from another space.”

The rain beats down harder.

“I visit you when I dream. You’ll tell me to wipe my nose and then we would sit in your room and watch the Milky Way rotate outside your window.”

He looked at the sky.

“When I wake, your still in everything I do.”

He passes by a coffee house with a few night owls perched at the counter.

“Every reminder of you – a song playing in a cafe, a scene in a film – cuts a small wound and slowly bleeds me to death. If you feel a fraction of the same pain, guilt shoots through me like lightning.”

He slows down as he crosses a puddle the size of a small ocean.

“Why are we doing this to ourselves?”

He glances at the papers in the passenger seat.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that question and also another question we’ve been trying to answer on this project.“

He rubs his hands along the steering wheel.

“There are these two particles that have become linked somehow. Whatever we do to one, it affects the other, even across long distances. We shot one to a lab on the other side of the world, and when they spun it one way, we see the paired particle spin the other.”

The chill in the car bites him. He turns on the heater.

“If what we’re observing is true, even if we separate them by an entire universe, they’re still connected. These particles are bound by something unseen, something profound, something we’re only beginning to understand. It’s like crazy.”

The familiar old brick façade of the hotel comes into view.

“I know you nod off when I talk about work, but all these questions in my head are starting to blur together. I miss you terribly. See you soon.”

He taps his phone.

He ponders the rain and the view of the parking lot from his rental car.

He climbs the stairs to his empty room.

Fight Life World Premiere!

Three years ago I was being choked out by another student at Jake Shield's Gracie Fighter gym in Berkeley while Jake looked on.

I wondered to myself, "I didn't know film research could be this painful."

Seems like ages since that moment, but it's been worth the wait. After 3 years of production, Fight Life the MMA Documentary I helped produce is finally coming to the big screen.

Location: The Roxie Theater in San Francisco

Date: January 20th, 2012

Time: 7pm and 9pm

Tickets: http://fightlife-efbevent.eventbrite.com/

Special Guests: Jake Shields and more.

"Fight Life" is a groundbreaking documentary that gives the audience a rare look into the real life of the professional mixed martial arts fighter and the sport they've chosen.

Trailer:

The Chase (Film Exercise)

So during the four months of procrastinating on a new blog post, I took a production class at a nearby community college.

Here's a short film that we made for an assignment.

"The Chase" by Jon Jung, Kyle Knaus, Dury Kim, and me.

More videos and entries to come (sooner than 4 months fo sho).

MOVE ON

In July 06', my then friend Long needed actors for his college photo project. He needed twins, so my brother and I being young and naive, volunteered. The results of the ill fated collaboration are the series of pictures seen in the video.

Despite destroying all I held dear and causing me to fall into a deep depression, Long gave me the photos as a gift after the exhibit. He says it was the least who could do since the car accident and at the time I took it as a sign of regret on his part and forgave him. It's good to have a chronicle of the bright times as well as the incredibly dark.

My twin brother was really into Pinback and although it was painful, I filmed the photographs to the Pinback song 3x0 in our old room in Mira Mesa as a tribute to him. The REAL him.

Still in grief and shock over the events that transpired, I filed the film away to be posted at a later date.

However, Long got wind of the video and, as if he hadn't done enough to me, stole back his photos and my laptop with the film and ran away to Mexico where he bootlegged copies of the film and became a prominent artist under the name Largo.

Last night, after five years of meticulous planning, I finally found Long hiding in Tijuana and executed my revenge. While burning all his possessions, I came across my old laptop.

It's time. I've moved on and can finally post the film to an American audience.

May it serve as a reminder to everyone to not involve oneself in things that they do not fully understand.

Note: The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used herein are fictitious and any resemblance to the names, character, or history of any person is coincidental and unintentional. That is to say, this is all made up!

DIRECTIONS IN DIALOGUE: Byron Q - Part 2 - BANG BANG

In Part 2 of my CAAM interview with Byron Q, we focus on his recent feature film "BANG BANG" and the process behind the scenes.

Byron also gives some great advice to other up and coming filmmakers.

Check it out!

DIRECTIONS IN DIALOGUE: Byron Q - Part 1

I got to talk with my home boy and fellow filmmaker Byron Q about his recent feature film “BANG BANG” and how his unpredictable life growing up influences his work.

72 Hour Film Shoot - A Look Behind the Scenes of "Gray Skies"

On set at "Gray Skies"

Here's some production stills from the 72 hour film shoot I wrote and acted in last weekend. It's titled "Gray Skies" (will follow up soon with film link).

Click here -> Photo Album

Blonde Redhead (w/Nosaj Thing)

Went to a Blonde Redhead concert last night at The New Parish in Oakland.

I was running late but was able to catch a few songs of the opening DJ act Nosaj Thing (Jason spelled backwards).

I'm usually not a huge fan of DJs. I always felt like they were just living off the music made by other people and exerting less creative power. However, while I was listening to Nosaj, I was really impressed with how he overlaid different rhythms and melodies and made me feel like a bigot.

What's the difference between a traditional musician, say a pianist, vs a DJ?

It's just the instrument. The pianist has the piano, with pre-tuned interior strings that are hammered to produce specific notes. The DJ has the turntables and records that are manipulated to create specific sounds. The DJ's instrument is music.

After a restless intermission, Blonde Redhead came out. They were really good. When Kazu Makino (the female lead singer) sings, she moves as if she's communing with the gods.

The twins (Simone and Amedeo Pace) were extremely on point w/ the guitar and drums.

Listening to them produce their wall of sound, it got me thinking, somehow this sound exists inside of them before they were able to express it externally.

Painters express themselves visually, a collage of images behind their eyes, waiting to be channeled to canvas. The musician is the same, except her palette consists of different tones of sound instead of color.

Blonde Redhead ended their show with a song where Kazu's voice was the main instrument. I found it very pretty.

Footnote 1: The concert itself is a great convergence of audio and visual art, being able to see the artists in the flesh, hear their music, and also maybe see some cool lighting.

China Blog

Past two weeks I've been M.I.A. due to a vacation to China and that country's blockage of blogger. However, while I was traveling, I was surprised to find that tumblr was not blocked. Thus here's a look at some of my exploits in the Big Red country on tumblr: http://jamesyshih.tumblr.com/

Not sure yet if I will make the move permanent, but I'll be sure to make a post about it.

The Best Parking Spot in the World

After easing into the spot, you step out of your car.

You can't believe it.

There's no red, green, yellow, none of it. Just a smooth gray curb.

It's the best parking spot in the world.

You look around and think to yourself, "Is this really happening to me?" Your reminded of the many cumulative hours spent in your life driving here and there just to find a spot. But now the spot you have, just a 30 second walk to where you need to go, leaves you breathless.

It doesn't make sense. You rack your brain, "Why this spot? Why is every other spot filled except this one?" You begin to doubt. You investigate the spot, wary of your own auspiciousness.

Was there a parking sign, a rule or regulation that you might've selectively not paid attention too?

You scan the area intensely...

No. This spot, the greatest parking spot in the whole world, is yours.

You almost cry with quiet joy. The other commuters walk past you and you feel their envious stares upon you.

"Haha, fuck you guys," you think to yourself.

You resist the urge to take a picture of this priceless moment. You look one last time at your car and then in a joyous mood, make your way to your destination.

Late Night Thoughts on Public Transport

I'm sobering up on the 801 late night/early morning bus back to Union City.

I had too many drinks at the SFIAAFF opening gala and I was in an inebriated slumber when the last BART train of the night arrived in Fremont. I had missed my stop.

The nap had left me refreshed though and I could feel my brain working again.

There are only three other people on the bus, one of them being the driver, another a kindly homeless man (he told me when the next bus was coming), and a lady that just got off of work. It's almost 2am.

We all sit very far from each other making the empty space of the bus ever more present.

I don't have earphones or a book or anything I can distract myself with so I just sit and stare out the window as the bus crosses over from Fremont to UC.

I think to myself of the loneliness we all must feel sometimes. I thought of how crazy existence is, how everything I perceive and the thoughts going through my head can not be experienced by anyone else. I thought of what life would be like if we all shared the same conscience, that we were never alone and that although we may be separated physically into different bodies, our minds were of one mind.

It's a scary idea because we would lose the SELF and be part of a huge, ever flowing ocean of thought.

Why did human life on Earth turn out the way it did? It seems arbitrary and haphazard for us to be the way we are.

Someone buys a ticket and gets on the bus. I wonder what she's thinking? I wonder how different the way I perceive life is from her perception.

The bus finally arrives at the Union City BART. I thank the driver and I get off and hurry through the cold to my car, thinking now of the warm bed at home and of a deep sleep.

Elementary my dear (基本， 亲爱的）

不久前, 在NPR他们有讲"危险"电视节目的电脑参赛者Watson。 他们说， Watson的记忆百分之十才是资料， 百分子九十的记忆都是了解那些资讯的联结。 这样的话， 我觉得宮本武蔵说的没错， 从一产生一万 （我是从英文翻成中文）.

Not long ago, on NPR they were talking about the Jeopardy computer contestant Watson. They were saying that only 10% of Watson's memory is taken up by information, the other 90% is understanding that information through associations. If that's the case, I think what Miyamoto Musashi said was correct, from one comes ten thousand.

Turn on your phone

She's not online

你播打的電話已關機.

Her phone's off.

I could email her, but by the time she replies it wouldn't even matter.

Every night at the same time, we would connect on Skype for the little bridge of time that we share on two sides of the globe.

We've religiously kept this routine for some time now.

But tonight, it's just silence.

I needed to hear her voice.

I've been struggling with melancholy the past few days. It crept up on me ever so slightly, like a fog [jump to 7:01 in the clip] and it's been hovering around.

She's not the cause, but she's not helping either.

I deserve it though. There were times that I would treat it as an obligation or I would forget completely.

"Now you know how I feel," she would tell me.

Thanks.

The fog is clearing up a bit, but in the outside world it's been getting really cold.

I'll sleep the winter hours and wait till we meet again.

Sundance 2011 Day 3 - Party Time

Finally found some time to sort my photos and writings. Here's the last installment of my Sundance trip:

Day 3. The last and final full day at Sundance.

Today I was so glad to sleep more hours than I can count with one hand.

The morning was slow to start but eventually we all got our lazy asses out of bed for some breakfast (cereal, muffins, juice) and then a stop over to our friend's hotel, which was a lot fancier than ours:

That's Mike S. taking a photo of me taking a photo of him taking a photo of me

I was getting a bit antsy to get to Park City, so I jumped into the driver's seat and waited for the others to finish up. As soon as everyone got in, we drove off through the mountains. The drive from SLC to Park City was beautiful:

I miss my sunnies. When I got back to Cali, they were missing =(.

Also, we had a chance to visit the Olympic Park where we got some good shots like this one:

After spending a good 1/2 hour looking for parking, we finally gave in and paid $20 for parking and we were able to make it in time for the San Francisco Film Society Party at the Gateway Center:

The party was really fun. We met some nice people and there were some awesome hors d'oeurves (too bad we arrived having eaten). The life of the party, of course, was James' chain:

Here's me drunk against the 2011 Sundance logo:

Here's the other James, not drunk at all, posing with a cop car:

After the party, we went back to SLC to watch a Mexican film called "The Cinema Hold Up". This film has potential but it ultimately didn't pull through. The film starts off with a very LONG exposition of Mexican urban youth culture (graffitiing, freestyling, drinking, taking drugs, hitting on older ladies...not that much different from urban youths in other countries). It eventually leads up to a very well planned hold up of a cinema. The film feels lopsided, the lead up and the fallout of the climax show too much and doesn't do much to accentuate the climax thus making the film unfocused and wandering.

That was the last film we watched at Sundance. Now it's time to party! We grabbed a quick dinner at McD's and then back to Park City where I got this essential shot:

As well as this other essential shot at the Playboy bar:

Right now it was just James, Mike S. and I. We found an empty red room inside the club and couldn't help but indulge in some photo taking. Here's the best photo that came out:

The party at the club was losing life so we decided to step out and walk around Park City:
Park Bear:

We got into the Filmmaker's lounge later that night and got to talk to some other filmmakers and actors which was awesome. When that party ended, it was really late and we decided that we would have to call it a night.

After a whole weekend with no snow, we were greeted with this the next morning:

Mike S., the most experience snow driver out of the three of all of us, took the wheel and we made it safely to the airport.

Reflection: Prior to going to Sundance, I had all these weird conceptions of what it would be like. I thought that it would be in a gated city where you'd have to have a special invitation, a password, and know film history to get in. But no, it's not like that at all. Sundance is open to everyone that loves film. There are some venues that need a pass, but the overall "Sundance Experience" is open to anyone whose willing to rent a room, a car, and buy some movie tickets. Now that I've been, I feel as if I've learned something very important. It's like going to a foreign country and learning how different that country is compared to the one you imagined in your head or read in the books.

It's been fun. Hope to go back some time in the future.

Sundance 2011 Day 2 - Microphone Check Day Two What is This?

Longest day ever.

Woke up at 430am in the morning to stand in line at the Sundance box office. We got there a little after 5 and there were already a few people lined up in front of us with sleeping bags, books, and chairs. Seeing this I felt fully unprepared, the only possessions I had on me were my digital camera and some post-it notes.

We waited until 6am when we expected the box office to open. We were in for a surprise. Mike had taken a look at the business hours and said to us, "Dude, they open at 8am."

We settled in for the long haul.

By 730am the line looked like this:

And that's when an even bigger surprise came. One of the Sundance people came out to the line and said, "Hey guys, I'm really sorry to tell you this, but a key broke off in the lock of the door so we can't get in. We won't be able to open up the door until 830a when the locksmith gets here."

SHIT.

I say that not because we have to wait an extra 30mins, but because we're trying to get limited tickets and the sister box office in Park City would have a 30 min lead on us.

One guy was so disgruntled by the news that he tried breaking into the office himself but failed:

Eventually the locksmith came and was able to unlock the doors. A cheer rose from the crowd as we all scurried in like feverish mice.

When it was our turn we were only able to get tix for 1 out of the 3 films we wanted to see (we got tix for Shunji Iwai's "Vampire", but not for the Tribe Called Quest doc "Beats, Rhymes & Life" and the doc our friend Barbara was a Line Producer for "These Amazing Shadows").

Needless to say we were a bit down after waiting all that time and only getting a 1/3 of what we wanted. But as we were exiting the box office I realized we should get tix for another film I wanted to see, "Win Win" starring Paul Giamatti.

Regret came over us as Mike* and I went to the back of the line. "Dang, I should've thought of this when we were in the front," I thought to myself.

When it came to our turn again we got tickets for "Win, Win" and then Mike on a whim asked, "Would there be any tickets that opened up for the Tribe Called Quest documentary?"

The ticket lady said no, and we were about to head out again dejected when the lady helping us said, "Wait, let me check with my manager."

The manager came back, looked up some info on the computer and said, "You're lucky, we got some tickets for you."

Mike's main purpose for waking up at 430am and waiting for 4 hours was to get those "Beats, Rhymes & Life" tickets. He let out a "Yes!" with such joy that it made everyone smile.

The events of that morning set the schedule for the day.

At noon, we went to watch "Vampire" which was a big disappointment for us. The film is a disjointed story about a man that drinks the blood of girls that want to commit suicide. It's filled with long cuts, silence, eerie instrumentals, and sparse dialogue. It felt as if these elements were put together just for aesthetic effect and not to enhance the story.

Afterwards we had a bad Thai lunch, took a quick nap and then went off to see "Win, Win". This film was a much welcomed break from the last two depressing films that we saw. It's a family comedy about a lawyer (Giamatti) that lets the grandson of one of his clients live in his house and join the high school wrestling team that he coaches.

The theatre it showed in was quite nice:

After that we made our way to Park City to get ready for the "Beat's, Rhymes & Life" doc. Park City was all dolled up for Sundance:

Here's my friends who're really hyped for the screening:

Prior to the screening, we were able to get double shots of Belvedere for free at a local pub. I was a bit out of it after that and vaguely remember throwing snow at the other James.

The documentary "Beats, Rhymes & Life" was awesome. What was even awesomer was that after the screening, there was a Q&A with the director and Phife Dawg from the Tribe and they stuck around for photos.

Here's James and Phife Dawg:

And Mike with Michael Rapaport ("Beats, Rhymes & Life" director).

The day started at 430am and ended at about the same time the next morning when we finally fell into bed. Hella tired, but fun.

3rd and last day coming up.

*Mike's a talented cinematographer and friend of mine. For his reel check out his site: http://www.michaelsolidum.com/michael/reel.html

Sundance 2011 Day 1 - Arriving in SLC and Martha Marcy May Marlene

I'm writing from a Day's Inn in Salt Lake City. It's currently 2:30am Mountain Time, Sunday morning and in 2 hours we're going to wake up to get tickets to some more screenings from the box office. AW YEAH!

So a quick recap of Saturday:

Arrived in SLC at 5pm Mountain Time. There was four of us, two James' and two Mikes.

Here's one of each on the plane to SLC:

Plane ride was short and fun. We made friends with two ladies on board and one of them threw an orange condom at us (still in the package). That was very jarring to me (this has never happened to me before) but funny.

Here's what it looked like when we arrived:

The mountains and the clouds here in Utah are very majestic. So are the highways. They are WIDE. The temperature was cool, but wasn't as cold as we expected it to be. It was fairly comfortable. After getting a rental we made our way to the Sundance box office:

We picked up tickets to our advance purchase screenings and bought some new tickets.

One of the advance tix that we got was for a film being screened that night called: Martha Marcy May Marlene

It was a good film. It's about a girl named Martha (Elizabeth Olsen) that has just escaped a cult and the 2 week adjustment period she has after moving in with her much more socially acceptable older sister Lucy (Sarah Paulson). Elizabeth Olsen did a really good embodying the main character and I believe has a bright future ahead for her (she has another film being screened at Sundance, a horror film called "Silent House"). We had a real treat after the screening cuz her and the director, Sean Durkin, came out for a Q & A:

She has a strong film presence and has a style all her own that I like much more than her two older sisters, Mary-Kate and Ashley (they're sisters, crazy huh?).

After the screening, we drove around in circles before finally finding our hotel.

Time to crash.

I look forward to the coming day.

A VERSE

For the first post of the new year, I'm actually going to bring something out from the archives. This is a very short rap/poem I wrote two years ago after watching the film "Hustle & Flow" (which is a great film by the way). It's titled - A VERSE:

Wandering around this world without a sound

Is like the living dead living above ground

I can't stand the fact maybe this is all there is

Just trying make that money and just have a couple kids

But there's a verse inside me thats gotta get out

A universe inside of me that wants to scream and shout

I want to find my place in the scheme of things

There's more to life than this and THAT is what I bring

Peaches

(Chinese translation included below, 中文版再往下)

He sat alone in his room

thinking

maybe he should go outside and get some fresh air

being inside all day must be bad for the body and mind

these past few days he hasn't gone outside

and he's been having these weird thoughts

"is there someone in the closet?"

no

"is someone knocking on the door?"

no

“is there someone touching his face as he slept?”

maybe

...

he prepared a camera that he set up above his door

if anyone opened the door, it would start recording automatically

he went to sleep

but he wasn't sleeping at all

4 in the morning there finally was a sound

someone opened the door

...

slowly entered

...

this person it seemed had put on perfume

桃子

so familiar...

he was under his bed sheet shaking

this person, monster, ghost, whatever, stood to the left of his bed watching him

he couldn't help it

he opened his eyes

...

....

......

it was her

his love

she stroked his cheek

he started to cry

"i miss you so much"

she didn't say a word

just smiled

kissed his forehead

left

he didn't sleep till the sun rose and when he woke up

his body was covered in sweat

his faced covered in tears

the room the smell of 桃子

the recording nothing but static

the end

.

他獨身在房間裡

在想

他是不是要出門透氣一下

一直在房間裡應該對身體, 心理不好

他這幾天沒有出門

開始很多怪怪的想法

"是不是有人在衣櫃裡?"

沒有

有人在敲門?

沒有

睡覺的時候有人在摸我的臉嗎

?

好像有

...

他準備一台攝影機在門上面

有人開門的話它會自動拍

他去睡

但是他並沒有在睡

凌晨4點他終於聽聲音

有人開門

...

慢慢進入

...

這個人好像有噴香水

peaches

好熟…

他在床被下一直在發抖

那個人, 怪物, 鬼甚麼的在他的床左手邊站著看著他

他沒辦法

他開眼

...

....

......

就是她

他最愛的

她用她的手摸那男生的臉

那男生開始哭

"我好想妳"

她一聲不講

就笑

親他的額頭

走

過沒睡覺幾個小時候, 日出, 那男生起床的時候

全身都是汗

臉上都是眼淚

房間都是peach的味道

拍的影片都是天點

完

.

台灣環島 My Taiwan Walkabout

相簿 photo album

"Walkabout是個澳洲原住民從男孩到男生的過程, 一個男孩得去野地住長期(六個月)."

-從Wikipedia翻譯

怎麼說...從台北到最南點然後回去最北部, 有個成就感, 有個傷心...真的難解釋.

在石門的時候往者臺灣海峽就開始想太多...這個路程是為了什麼? 我真的有學到東西嗎? 我去過澳洲也是幹嘛的? 何必那麼辛苦賺錢然後跑來跑去把它花掉?

這些話讓我想到我父母. 對他們來說這四年我都沒有出息, 沒做甚麼讓他們覺得兒子有價值. 去台灣讀中文 (讀幹嗎, 為甚麼不學個技術), 回美國打工 (賺不到錢), 去澳洲當工人 (很丟臉), 去旅行花錢(為甚麼不把錢弄掉債)...

我知道他們的想法. 他們是為我好. 我過的生活他們根本不了解, 其實蠻多人不了解. 我也是覺得我是在個很深黑暗的地方摸來摸去, 在找路的人, 然後父母一直覺得他們需要推我去模個方向我才不會跳岸.

但在石門, 看那些釣魚人的小登浮在水上我有的到個魔術感, 得到個靈感.

我明天死掉的話, 對, 我會覺得, "幹! 我還有很多事要做!" 但是我覺得我過的生活是很幸福, 我碰到的人很有趣, 我看過的事情很豐富...我覺得我的生活有價值.

每個行程要結束. 我回去會好好跟我爸媽大和解希望他們了解這段時間我是很需要的.

"A walkabout refers to a rite of passage during which male Australian Aborigines would undergo a journey during adolescence and live in the wilderness for a period as long as six months."

-Wikipedia

How do I say this...after going from Taipei to the most southern point and all the way back up to the top of the island, there's a feeling of accomplishment, but there's also a sadness lurking about inside.

Standing on a pier in Shimen, looking out at the waters of the Taiwan Strait I begin to think too much...what was this trip for? Did I really gain anything? And why the hell did I go to Australia for? Why should I work my ass off doing manual labor and then go run around spending all my hard earned money?

These thoughts made me think of my parents. To them, these past four years I've done nothing of merit, nothing of real value. Went to Taiwan to study Chinese (why don't you study a real skill?), went back to the states and worked part-time (there's no money in that), went to Australia and did manual labor (that's embarrassing), traveled and spent my money (why don't you use your money more wisely?)...

I know how they think. They want what's best for me. They totally don't understand the life I lead, actually, most people don't understand. And to be honest, I don't get it that much either. I feel like a guy wandering in the pitch dark, feeling my way around. My parents feel as if they don't push me in what they think is the right direction, I'm going to fall off a cliff.

But here in the evening darkness at Shimen (Stone Gate), watching the bright green and pink glow-sticks attached to the fishermens' bait float gently on the water, I feel a bit of magic, a bit of inspiration.

If I died tomorrow, yeah, I'll say to myself, "FUCK! I still have so much more to do!" But even then, I believe that my life is blessed. I've met so many interesting people, I've seen so many different places.

I believe my life, the life I led and the life I lead, has worth.

Every journey has to end. When I get home I'll be sure to make up with my parents and hopefully get them to understand that this "wasted time" was time I truly needed.