October 30, 2009

Notes from the Mango Farm 1 of 10

I will be putting up 10 posts in the upcoming days from my time on the mango farm. I spent 12 days working on the farm (which is nothing compared to some of the other guys there who've been there for 3 months).


10/10, Day 1 on the Mango Farm
[note: my girlfriend goes by either Apo or Trish]

The first week in Darwin has been really fun, but anxious as well. I spent the last week hanging out with the girlfriend, making new friends, and looking for work. I spent three days at the Kakadu National Park where I got to swim in a lagoon hidden in the forest, that was awesome.

However, anxiety kept increasing as money kept leaving my hand and the prospect of not having a job was getting to me.

I spent the past few days with Trish going to employment agencies around Darwin and calling various businesses for a position. I was on the last end of my finances when I got I call this morning.

"Did you call about the Mango Farm?"

Yes, I did. Trish and I applied for a mango farm job last week, through a friend's recommendation.

"Can you be ready by 11a?"

I was still in shock, but I said yes. Mind you, he called at 8:38am, so I had little over 2 hours to get home (I was out looking for work at fisherman's wharf at the time, but got lost), notify Apo, and pack all my belongings.

When I finally got here, it was like a little Taiwan. 15 out of the 20 workers there were Taiwanese, the other five comprised of three guys from Hong Kong and a couple from Japan. I never thought I could go to Australia and have a better chance to practice Mandarin more than I ever did in America.

The owners and the bosses of the farm are Dave and Ruth: Dave is an elderly Australian guy with a no bullshit attitude and I didn't get to meet Ruth, but the other workers say she's well traveled, friendly, and Canadian. There I also got to meet Peter the senior mango/watermelon picker (they also grow watermelons on the farm), a Taiwanese guy that purposefully speaks to me in ancient Chinese idioms to confuse/educate me.

Today was everyone's day off so Apo and I just cleaned up our room and got settled in. We sat around and go to know everyone.

At night it was so beautiful. I've never seen a night sky so wide and open. And the stars, the STARS! It's as if I can finally see them, they're so many of them and so clear.


Mango Farm


Living Quarters (ext)


Living Quarters (int)

September 8, 2009

The War



A page from "The War" By Katherine Cheng
Source: Growing Up Asian in American, 1995

August 26, 2009

Simply

photo by Huy Lam


The 1st performance at my Birthday BBQ Concert. Much thanks to Winson and Adrian for backing me up and to Huy for filming.

For Apo.

Simply
by James Y. Shih

The Band-
Guitar/Vocals: James Y. Shih
Guitar/BG Vocals: Winson Duong
Percussion: Adrian Sangalang

Cinematography-
Huy Lam

Lyrics-
It's a sunny Californian day
And I wanted to say that I miss you girl
Cuz it seems so cold
When I'm not with you
And if I could hold you,
That would make it better
I know that these times are rough
But I gotta get with you my love
Keep it simple

Simply

Simply you and me

Its almost the end of the day
And Ill reiterate that I miss you girl
Cuz when the sun sets
Thats when Im the loneliest
This bed was specially made
For you to be right next to me
As I lay down my head
I remember what a wise man said:
Keep it simple

Simply

Simply you and me

August 19, 2009

The Radio Dept. - Strange Things Will Happen



Today was a pretty day
No disappointments
No expectations on your whereabouts
And oh, did I let you go?
Did it finally show that strange things will happen if you let them?

Today I didn't even try to hide
I'll stay here and never push things to the side
You can't reach me cause I'm way beyond you today

Today was a pretty day
Autumn comes with
These slight surprises where your life might twist and turn
Hope to unlearn
Strange things will happen
If you let them come around and stick around

Today I didn't even try to hide
I'll stay here and never push things to the side

Today I didn't even look to find
Something to put me in that peace of mind
You can't touch me cause I'm way beyond you today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw3b6sfbv6g

August 13, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

When I was younger than I am today, I felt as if the future was vague, frightening, and infinite. It was like looking out at a great expanse of ocean from the shore at night, the possibilities seemed endless yet so overwhelming.

I could take my time with reaching my goals, they were out there floating in the waters. I would just content myself making sand castles on the shore.

---

As a child at family get togethers, relatives and family friends would remark on how cute I was and ask, "How old are you?"

Now, they remark on how tall I've become and ask, "How much do you make a year?"

---

I find myself swimming now and I can make out the other side. I didn't see it at first, but it has always been there. It's a darkness that is deeper than the holes in the sky, no matter which way I swim, it moves closer and closer.

I'm still terrified, but it is no longer a fear of the infinite it's a fear of the finite.

---

I saw my friend's son right when he was born. He was so tiny. I couldn't believe that one day he could be as big as me or bigger. I couldn't believe that one day, his grandma is going to ask him, "How much you make a year?"

I can't leave sand castles for him and my own son/daughter and all their friends. I have to leave something that can withstand the waves, something that touches the infinite in this finite time that I have.

What is it?

June 14, 2009

Royal Mutt and Panda Bear - Chapter 5: The Pack

"The Pack" title artwork posted here.


Royal Mutt sat in the passenger seat, going in and out of sleep. The landscape passed him by like a choppy movie jumping from scene to scene as he struggled to keep his eyes opened.

The time was 11:58 AM, give or take three minutes.

Panda Bear spoke, "Royal."

Royal Mutt shook his head awake.

Royal, "Yeah?"

Panda Bear, "Got any stories to tell? I'm getting kinda tired."

Royal, "You want to switch?"

Panda Bear, "Nah it's cool, we're making good time now and we just stopped so it's all good."

Royal thought silently for a long time.

________


There was a pack of dogs that grew up together in a small town. The pack was a nontraditional pack in the sense that no one was in charge. The pack would just roam the streets, picking up what scraps that they could and pass the time hanging out, chasing cats, and playing ball. They lived in an abandoned concrete lot with a rusted metal roof that protected them from the rain. They called it home.

They knew their place in this world. They knew that they loved this town and that although there might be greater things out there in the world, they were at least safe here. However, out of this unspectacular group of dogs, there were two that stood out: Wolf and Charlie.

Wolf was a strong, smart wolf-dog with a large white mane with a silver diamond tuff of hair in the center. Charlie was a tall and fierce black lab with an easy temper.

Frequently frustrated with the lack of direction with the pack, Wolf took the role of leader planning excursions out for food and trips around town.

Charlie resented Wolf, he loved the freedom of having no alpha dog, and would constantly butt heads with Wolf and try to undermine Wolf. The rest of the pack would always just watch amused, content to sit by the sidelines and not take any sides.

At one point, Wolf and Charlie had a confrontation that almost led to a dog fight. Wolf had decided that on that particular afternoon, the pack, excluding Charlie, was going to make a trip to the other side of town to get food since the trash collector had already collected all the trash in their neighborhood this morning.

Due to a recent possum attack, Charlie, the fiercest of the group, was dictated the role of guard dog until they came back. Charlie, not wanting to take orders from this self appointed leader, barked back, 'Wolf, I don't have to listen to you. I know that when you find a stuffed bin you will keep all the best scraps for yourself, leaving me with measly leftovers.'

Though this comment was probably more true for Lazy and Carl, Charlie singled out Wolf. Wolf tried to explain why Charlie was the best fit for being the guard dog, that the only other pack member as strong as Charlie was probably himself.

'Then why don't you be guard dog?,' Charlie barked back at Wolf. Wolf looked into Charlie's eyes. There was a long silence and the tension began to grow unbearable. Finally Wolf said very stoically to Charlie, 'Fine.'

Charlie turned to the pack that sat watching and as they made their way out to the street, Wolf, sitting in the center of the lot all by himself, said to Charlie and the pack, 'Goodbye.'

The pack made their way across town slowly. Charlie assumed that someone else in the pack knew the way, but everyone else thought that Charlie knew. Charlie not wanting to look bad in this new found position and definitely not wanting to turn to Wolf for help, used his sense of direction and got the pack lost many times much to the growing frustration and hunger of the pack.

When Charlie and the pack eventually got back from the other side of town, they found their home overrun with possums. Charlie's killer instinct switched on and began lunging at the possums and attacking with his jaws. He took some scratches to the face, but bit back twice as hard as the rest of the pack stood back and barked.

When everything settled down, and the possums had run away, Charlie realized that Wolf was gone and had been gone for a while. Charlie took it upon himself to search the lot for more possums as the rest of the pack chose to sleep rather than to help.

The next morning, Lazy was found dead behind the concrete lot, clawed to death by some possums that had made a nest in a corner that Charlie had overlooked. The possums were already long gone. The whole pack was in outrage and blamed Charlie for the death and for Wolf's departure. They all gathered around Charlie (yet still keeping a good distance) and unanimously agreed that Charlie was out of the pack and the only way he could return was if he returned with Wolf.

Disillusioned and with no place to go, Charlie set out to find Wolf. He made his rounds around town to the regular food stops, asking strays and other packs if they had seen or gotten a whiff of Wolf. Silver Stray, an old silver lab, had picked up a scent while passing the exit from town to the City.

Charlie following the scent traveled to the City, a metropolis that was a good day's jog away from town. Arriving there, he found himself in culture shock. The tall skyscrapers' loomed overhead as if to crash at any moment. The stunning skyline was a stark contrast to the darkness below, where he saw a dog kill another dog over a canister of pills.

He was by far one of the fiercest dogs in his town, but he found himself quivering as mangy dogs that smelled of shit and urine barked and snapped at him as he made his way out of the alleys of the City.

He eventually got to a park that was in a much nicer district, but by then it was dark and Charlie, feeling safer, made his home under a bench. Early next morning he began to ask the locals if they had seen Wolf. The dogs there however did not even give him the time of day, and passed him by or pretended to not hear him.

As he made his way to the edge of the park, he got a second whiff of Wolf and followed it to a beautiful oak tree that stood out like a sore paw.

Wolf sat under the tree looking out into the city streets. 'Wolf!' Charlie yelled out.

Wolf turned and looked surprised. 'Charlie?'

They met each other under the shade of the oak and nearly touched noses until they remembered the animosity they were supposed to feel towards each other.

'Lazy's dead. We need you back.'

Surprised, Wolf said, 'What?'

"'Lazy, he got killed by possums, it's all your fault. You were supposed to watch the home. You weren't there, you let down the pack, you got one of our own killed you son of a bitch,' Charlie barked.

Wolf sat, looking at Charlie.

'Did you come all the way here to blame me?', Wolf said.

'Yes and also to bring you back. You're going to have to face the entire pack for what you did.'

'What I did? All I did was give you what you wanted, freedom from my orders,' Wolf replied.

'But you were supposed to watch the home, that was your job! You had a responsibility and you threw it away!' There were tears in Charlie's eyes.

'I gave you that job first remember? My job was to get our pack food because I knew the way, but you were too stubborn to even recognize that fact and undoubtedly got our pack lost and hungry. It wasn't easy for me to leave, that was my home too. But I could see that living there and being the alpha, I was only going to get resentment from those dogs, you showed me that.'

'What the hell are you talking about?' replied Charlie.

'I tried my best, I really did,' it was Wolf's turn to have tears in his eyes. 'The pack, I mean I love them, I was willing to give them everything. They have so much potential, all those dogs, but I realized that they are not me. They're content chasing cars, stealing meat from the butcher, chasing tail. I'm not saying that's wrong, that's their choice. But life is an incredible mystery. I felt that in that small town and in that small pack I only got the tip of the garbage heap. I was planning on leaving anyways, and when you left with the pack, I saw my opportunity.'

'What the hell does this have to do with anything?' Charlie snapped back, 'You were supposed to do something and failed. You see these scratches on my face? Do you know how mutilated Lazy's body was when I found him?'

Wolf's face quickly changed from a face of sensitivity to that of anger, an anger born from exhaustion.

'I'm tired.'

'Huh?'

'I'm tired of taking all the blame. I'm tired of being responsible for things other grown dogs should have easily handled by themselves. Did you really come all this way to put the blame on me? Fine. You win. I'll take the blame, I'll wear the weight of Lazy's death on my back. But remember this, this is the last time. From now on you're responsible for your own life. You didn't come all the way here just to make yourself feel better. Even though you hated me the most out of the pack, know this, I always had the most respect for you.'

Stunned, always thinking that Wolf detested him, Charlie sat listening.

'You know why? Because at least you had an opinion, at least you were willing to confront me. And although your intentions might not have been a 100% right, at least you took action. You came here because you knew you were different. You have a different path from the pack, as do I. I won't be able to carry you on the path because I'm trying to discover what that is for myself. I'm going to leave now and I don't want you to follow me. If you do, I will kill you. But if we do meet again, let it be further down the road when we are better dogs and can be better friends.'

Charlie watched like a statue frozen by Wolf's words as Wolf sat up from under the tree and disappeared into the city streets. After some time, Charlie took Wolf's place under the tree and sat quietly.

He could hear the wind, the hum of humans and machines, and other dogs barking in the distance. The slight breeze brought with it a small hurricane of leaves and smells. The smells and sounds of the city enveloped Charlie as he watched the skyscrapers crash around him into shards of glass.

The End.

________


Royal looked over at Panda. Panda's eyes looked closed.

"Panda!" Royal barked loudly.

Panda opened his eyes and started laughing. "Haha, I totally got you. I was awake, good story dog. I especially like the part where Charlie fights the possums."

Royal grumbled under his breath.

Panda Bear looked briefly at Royal and then out onto the road, "The story reminds me of someone."

They continued to head north.

April 12, 2009

The Glass Tunnel

Many of us sit in our own ways, ways instilled in us by society, family, and other forces.


We walk down a glass tunnel with our eyes focused forward and though we see the world pass by from the corners of our eyes we choose to just look straight ahead and feel as if we’re moving forward.


Little do we know that if we were to stop and look around, we would realize how big our world truly is and by breaking the glass we can find ourselves free.


This is not to say that the path down the glass tunnel is wrong or false, but that it is only a part of the whole and that it may not necessarily be the path that we want to take.


We must realize that we are but a short breath exhaled by the universe and no matter what we do the universe will move on. Thus, in this incredibly short amount of time that we have, we can only be more aware of ourselves and the world around us and from that, begin to realize our true potential.


Our true potential lies within our ability to follow a path that is not artificially constructed, but a path that organically comes from our being. 


We never became divorced from the Way or God or the Higher Reality. The tunnel is made of glass, so the view has always been there, we just need to look and truly see.