Entanglement

He was driving home in the rain when it hit him.

“This is ridiculous.”

They knew this would happen. The project meant he had to be away from her for many months, doing things that seemed like gibberish to everyone.

“He smashes things,” she would tell her friends.

And he did. Small things. Things so small, it’s hard to tell if they exist until they collide.

…sharing different heartbeats…

He pressed the button on his phone and let it record for a beat.

“This song came on and made me think of you.”

He recently discovered voice memos and he had something to say on this long ride home, under the pouring sky.

“Tomorrow will be half a year since we last met and I’m falling apart.”

He pauses as an oncoming car blinds him momentarily.

“I wish I could share this car ride with you, along with this dark sky.”

He turns down the volume of the song.

“I still feel you, 10,000 kilometers away. Maybe your taking a nap right now and tracing my path home from another space.”

The rain beats down harder.

“I visit you when I dream. You’ll tell me to wipe my nose and then we would sit in your room and watch the Milky Way rotate outside your window.”

He looked at the sky.

“When I wake, your still in everything I do.”

He passes by a coffee house with a few night owls perched at the counter.

“Every reminder of you – a song playing in a cafe, a scene in a film – cuts a small wound and slowly bleeds me to death. If you feel a fraction of the same pain, guilt shoots through me like lightning.”

He slows down as he crosses a puddle the size of a small ocean.

“Why are we doing this to ourselves?”

He glances at the papers in the passenger seat.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that question and also another question we’ve been trying to answer on this project.“

He rubs his hands along the steering wheel.

“There are these two particles that have become linked somehow. Whatever we do to one, it affects the other, even across long distances. We shot one to a lab on the other side of the world, and when they spun it one way, we see the paired particle spin the other.”

The chill in the car bites him. He turns on the heater.

“If what we’re observing is true, even if we separate them by an entire universe, they’re still connected. These particles are bound by something unseen, something profound, something we’re only beginning to understand. It’s like crazy.”

The familiar old brick façade of the hotel comes into view.

“I know you nod off when I talk about work, but all these questions in my head are starting to blur together. I miss you terribly. See you soon.”

He taps his phone.

He ponders the rain and the view of the parking lot from his rental car.

He climbs the stairs to his empty room.

MOVE ON

In July 06', my then friend Long needed actors for his college photo project. He needed twins, so my brother and I being young and naive, volunteered. The results of the ill fated collaboration are the series of pictures seen in the video.

Despite destroying all I held dear and causing me to fall into a deep depression, Long gave me the photos as a gift after the exhibit. He says it was the least who could do since the car accident and at the time I took it as a sign of regret on his part and forgave him. It's good to have a chronicle of the bright times as well as the incredibly dark.

My twin brother was really into Pinback and although it was painful, I filmed the photographs to the Pinback song 3x0 in our old room in Mira Mesa as a tribute to him. The REAL him.

Still in grief and shock over the events that transpired, I filed the film away to be posted at a later date.

However, Long got wind of the video and, as if he hadn't done enough to me, stole back his photos and my laptop with the film and ran away to Mexico where he bootlegged copies of the film and became a prominent artist under the name Largo.

Last night, after five years of meticulous planning, I finally found Long hiding in Tijuana and executed my revenge. While burning all his possessions, I came across my old laptop.

It's time. I've moved on and can finally post the film to an American audience.

May it serve as a reminder to everyone to not involve oneself in things that they do not fully understand.

Note: The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used herein are fictitious and any resemblance to the names, character, or history of any person is coincidental and unintentional. That is to say, this is all made up!

The Best Parking Spot in the World

After easing into the spot, you step out of your car.

You can't believe it.

There's no red, green, yellow, none of it. Just a smooth gray curb.

It's the best parking spot in the world.

You look around and think to yourself, "Is this really happening to me?" Your reminded of the many cumulative hours spent in your life driving here and there just to find a spot. But now the spot you have, just a 30 second walk to where you need to go, leaves you breathless.

It doesn't make sense. You rack your brain, "Why this spot? Why is every other spot filled except this one?" You begin to doubt. You investigate the spot, wary of your own auspiciousness.

Was there a parking sign, a rule or regulation that you might've selectively not paid attention too?

You scan the area intensely...

No. This spot, the greatest parking spot in the whole world, is yours.

You almost cry with quiet joy. The other commuters walk past you and you feel their envious stares upon you.

"Haha, fuck you guys," you think to yourself.

You resist the urge to take a picture of this priceless moment. You look one last time at your car and then in a joyous mood, make your way to your destination.

Peaches

(Chinese translation included below, 中文版再往下)

He sat alone in his room

thinking

maybe he should go outside and get some fresh air

being inside all day must be bad for the body and mind

these past few days he hasn't gone outside

and he's been having these weird thoughts

"is there someone in the closet?"

no

"is someone knocking on the door?"

no

“is there someone touching his face as he slept?”

maybe

...

he prepared a camera that he set up above his door

if anyone opened the door, it would start recording automatically

he went to sleep

but he wasn't sleeping at all

4 in the morning there finally was a sound

someone opened the door

...

slowly entered

...

this person it seemed had put on perfume

桃子

so familiar...

he was under his bed sheet shaking

this person, monster, ghost, whatever, stood to the left of his bed watching him

he couldn't help it

he opened his eyes

...

....

......

it was her

his love

she stroked his cheek

he started to cry

"i miss you so much"

she didn't say a word

just smiled

kissed his forehead

left

he didn't sleep till the sun rose and when he woke up

his body was covered in sweat

his faced covered in tears

the room the smell of 桃子

the recording nothing but static

the end

.

他獨身在房間裡

在想

他是不是要出門透氣一下

一直在房間裡應該對身體, 心理不好

他這幾天沒有出門

開始很多怪怪的想法

"是不是有人在衣櫃裡?"

沒有

有人在敲門?

沒有

睡覺的時候有人在摸我的臉嗎

?

好像有

...

他準備一台攝影機在門上面

有人開門的話它會自動拍

他去睡

但是他並沒有在睡

凌晨4點他終於聽聲音

有人開門

...

慢慢進入

...

這個人好像有噴香水

peaches

好熟…

他在床被下一直在發抖

那個人, 怪物, 鬼甚麼的在他的床左手邊站著看著他

他沒辦法

他開眼

...

....

......

就是她

他最愛的

她用她的手摸那男生的臉

那男生開始哭

"我好想妳"

她一聲不講

就笑

親他的額頭

走

過沒睡覺幾個小時候, 日出, 那男生起床的時候

全身都是汗

臉上都是眼淚

房間都是peach的味道

拍的影片都是天點

完

.

Autumn Flame (short story)

by James Y. Shih

For 永神

It was after school.

The boy was sitting under the slide, making designs in the tanbark.

He didn’t want to go home. Here, he was the master of the realm, a realm of magic and beauty. Everywhere else seemed out of control.

When he got out from under the slide, the sun was on its way down. He thought for sure he had only been there a few minutes, but the creeping darkness and chill told him otherwise.

He opened his backpack and put on his jacket, luckily his mom reminded him to bring one every day.

By now all his teachers and classmates had gone home. Standing alone on the blacktop, the school looked eerie in the dusk and he felt this uncontrollable urge to leave. Something was off.

He had white shoes on, so instead of going through the running field, he decided to take a nearby street route home. It was a beautiful street, with thirteen great big trees lining each side of it all the way down. By now, Autumn was in full force and gold leaves decorated the sidewalk. The lamps had turned on and it felt as if the whole world had a tinge of orange.

The boy looked ahead and down the street at the very end he could just make out the house of his good friend. He wondered: What would it be like when he got to the end of the street? From where he was standing, was there any way to know what the world would be like over there? Would it be any different?

He continued walking, enjoying the sound of crunching leaves under his feet. He kept his eyes on the concrete, making sure to crunch any brown leaves for that extra crunch sound. After a short while he looked up.

The houses had disappeared. He was standing on the sidewalk on an empty street with just the street lamps and trees still there. He tried to look past the trees to his left, but all he could see was darkness. To his right, he could still see in the distance the shadow of his empty school, with just night in between.

A slight breeze chilled him and he rubbed his hands and put them on his cheeks. The trees rustled and the shadows seemed to whisper in the orange light.

He wanted to go home.

He looked down the street. His friend’s house had disappeared but even further in the distance he saw a faint light. He knew in his heart that was home.

He began to walk with determination, the thought of warmth and comfort channeled strength to his legs. Then he heard something

Crack.

Something was behind him. He knew that if he turned to look that he would be lost in this dark world forever.

He began to run. His backpack fell off, but he didn’t care. The light ahead was growing brighter.

When he got to the end of the street, the trees, the lights, the sidewalk, and the pavement just faded into darkness. Near the center of this darkness was a man sitting at a wooden desk.

The light was coming from a giant oil lamp sitting on the desk. The desk and the man were turned profile to the boy. The man was writing something in a big velvet book. Leaning against the side of the desk facing the boy was a dark mahogany guitar. Stuck in the desktop next to the lamp was a silver butcher knife.

The boy did not feel any fear. He knew this man.

The man looked up from his book and looked at the boy. The man smiled.

“I was just writing about you.”

The boy smiled back. The man took the lamp from the desk and placed it in the center of the darkness.

The lamp turned into the size of a house and its gold flame seemed to light the entire world.

The boy looked at the flame, its warmth burning away all the sadness and loneliness he ever felt.

The boy was not afraid to die.

The boy stepped into the flame.

“Welcome home” the man said.

The flame flooded out of the lamp and engulfed the man. It flooded through the Autumn-colored street and then enveloped the empty school before returning back to the center leaving nothing but darkness behind.

The Pack: Wolf & Charlie Artwork

click image to enlarge

The Pack

"Wolf & Charlie" artwork by a p o

story by James Y. Shih

Introduction: I wrote this story in June of 2009. It originally belongs to my "Royal Mutt and Panda Bear" series. Over a year has passed, but as promised, I was finally able to commission a drawing for the story (i.e. repeatedly nagged an artist to draw something for me for free). a p o was able to get what I was going for almost immediately on top of that she added her own style that you can see clearly in the "Wolf & Charlie" drawing above. If you guys don't quite remember "The Pack", I've reposted the story below, minus the Royal Mutt and Panda Bear Intro/Outro bits. Let me know your guys thoughts on the drawing and/or story.

---

The Pack

There was a pack of dogs that grew up together in a small town. The pack was a nontraditional pack in the sense that no one was in charge. The pack would just roam the streets, picking up what scraps that they could and pass the time hanging out, chasing cats, and playing ball. They lived in an abandoned concrete lot with a rusted metal roof that protected them from the rain. They called it home.

They knew their place in this world. They knew that they loved this town and that although there might be greater things out there in the world, they were at least safe here. However, out of this unspectacular group of dogs, there were two that stood out: Wolf and Charlie.

Wolf was a strong, smart wolf-dog with a large white mane with a silver diamond tuff of hair in the center. Charlie was a tall and fierce black lab with an easy temper.

Frequently frustrated with the lack of direction with the pack, Wolf took the role of leader planning excursions out for food and trips around town.

Charlie resented Wolf, he loved the freedom of having no alpha dog, and would constantly butt heads with Wolf and try to undermine Wolf. The rest of the pack would always just watch amused, content to sit by the sidelines and not take any sides.

At one point, Wolf and Charlie had a confrontation that almost led to a dog fight. Wolf had decided that on that particular afternoon, the pack, excluding Charlie, was going to make a trip to the other side of town to get food since the trash collector had already collected all the trash in their neighborhood this morning.

Due to a recent possum attack, Charlie, the fiercest of the group, was dictated the role of guard dog until they came back. Charlie, not wanting to take orders from this self appointed leader, barked back, 'Wolf, I don't have to listen to you. I know that when you find a stuffed bin you will keep all the best scraps for yourself, leaving me with measly leftovers.'

Though this comment was probably more true for Lazy and Carl, Charlie singled out Wolf. Wolf tried to explain why Charlie was the best fit for being the guard dog, that the only other pack member as strong as Charlie was probably himself.

'Then why don't you be guard dog?,' Charlie barked back at Wolf. Wolf looked into Charlie's eyes. There was a long silence and the tension began to grow unbearable. Finally Wolf said very stoically to Charlie, 'Fine.'

Charlie turned to the pack that sat watching and as they made their way out to the street, Wolf, sitting in the center of the lot all by himself, said to Charlie and the pack, 'Goodbye.'

The pack made their way across town slowly. Charlie assumed that someone else in the pack knew the way, but everyone else thought that Charlie knew. Charlie not wanting to look bad in this new found position and definitely not wanting to turn to Wolf for help, used his sense of direction and got the pack lost many times much to the growing frustration and hunger of the pack.

When Charlie and the pack eventually got back from the other side of town, they found their home overrun with possums. Charlie's killer instinct switched on and began lunging at the possums and attacking with his jaws. He took some scratches to the face, but bit back twice as hard as the rest of the pack stood back and barked.

When everything settled down, and the possums had run away, Charlie realized that Wolf was gone and had been gone for a while. Charlie took it upon himself to search the lot for more possums as the rest of the pack chose to sleep rather than to help.

The next morning, Lazy was found dead behind the concrete lot, clawed to death by some possums that had made a nest in a corner that Charlie had overlooked. The possums were already long gone. The whole pack was in outrage and blamed Charlie for the death and for Wolf's departure. They all gathered around Charlie (yet still keeping a good distance) and unanimously agreed that Charlie was out of the pack and the only way he could return was if he returned with Wolf.

Disillusioned and with no place to go, Charlie set out to find Wolf. He made his rounds around town to the regular food stops, asking strays and other packs if they had seen or gotten a whiff of Wolf. Silver Stray, an old silver lab, had picked up a scent while passing the exit from town to the City.

Charlie following the scent traveled to the City, a metropolis that was a good day's jog away from town. Arriving there, he found himself in culture shock. The tall skyscrapers' loomed overhead as if to crash at any moment. The stunning skyline was a stark contrast to the darkness below, where he saw a dog kill another dog over a canister of pills.

He was by far one of the fiercest dogs in his town, but he found himself quivering as mangy dogs that smelled of shit and urine barked and snapped at him as he made his way out of the alleys of the City.

He eventually got to a park that was in a much nicer district, but by then it was dark and Charlie, feeling safer, made his home under a bench. Early next morning he began to ask the locals if they had seen Wolf. The dogs there however did not even give him the time of day, and passed him by or pretended to not hear him.

As he made his way to the edge of the park, he got a second whiff of Wolf and followed it to a beautiful oak tree that stood out like a sore paw.

Wolf sat under the tree looking out into the city streets. 'Wolf!' Charlie yelled out.

Wolf turned and looked surprised. 'Charlie?'

They met each other under the shade of the oak and nearly touched noses until they remembered the animosity they were supposed to feel towards each other.

'Lazy's dead. We need you back.'

Surprised, Wolf said, 'What?'

"'Lazy, he got killed by possums, it's all your fault. You were supposed to watch the home. You weren't there, you let down the pack, you got one of our own killed you son of a bitch,' Charlie barked.

Wolf sat, looking at Charlie.

'Did you come all the way here to blame me?', Wolf said.

'Yes and also to bring you back. You're going to have to face the entire pack for what you did.'

'What I did? All I did was give you what you wanted, freedom from my orders,' Wolf replied.

'But you were supposed to watch the home, that was your job! You had a responsibility and you threw it away!' There were tears in Charlie's eyes.

'I gave you that job first remember? My job was to get our pack food because I knew the way, but you were too stubborn to even recognize that fact and undoubtedly got our pack lost and hungry. It wasn't easy for me to leave, that was my home too. But I could see that living there and being the alpha, I was only going to get resentment from those dogs, you showed me that.'

'What the hell are you talking about?' replied Charlie.

'I tried my best, I really did,' it was Wolf's turn to have tears in his eyes. 'The pack, I mean I love them, I was willing to give them everything. They have so much potential, all those dogs, but I realized that they are not me. They're content chasing cars, stealing meat from the butcher, chasing tail. I'm not saying that's wrong, that's their choice. But life is an incredible mystery. I felt that in that small town and in that small pack I only got the tip of the garbage heap. I was planning on leaving anyways, and when you left with the pack, I saw my opportunity.'

'What the hell does this have to do with anything?' Charlie snapped back, 'You were supposed to do something and failed. You see these scratches on my face? Do you know how mutilated Lazy's body was when I found him?'

Wolf's face quickly changed from a face of sensitivity to that of anger, an anger born from exhaustion.

'I'm tired.'

'Huh?'

'I'm tired of taking all the blame. I'm tired of being responsible for things other grown dogs should have easily handled by themselves. Did you really come all this way to put the blame on me? Fine. You win. I'll take the blame, I'll wear the weight of Lazy's death on my back. But remember this, this is the last time. From now on you're responsible for your own life. You didn't come all the way here just to make yourself feel better. Even though you hated me the most out of the pack, know this, I always had the most respect for you.'

Stunned, always thinking that Wolf detested him, Charlie sat listening.

'You know why? Because at least you had an opinion, at least you were willing to confront me. And although your intentions might not have been a 100% right, at least you took action. You came here because you knew you were different. You have a different path from the pack, as do I. I won't be able to carry you on the path because I'm trying to discover what that is for myself. I'm going to leave now and I don't want you to follow me. If you do, I will kill you. But if we do meet again, let it be further down the road when we are better dogs and can be better friends.'

Charlie watched like a statue frozen by Wolf's words as Wolf sat up from under the tree and disappeared into the city streets. After some time, Charlie took Wolf's place under the tree and sat quietly.

He could hear the wind, the hum of humans and machines, and other dogs barking in the distance. The slight breeze brought with it a small hurricane of leaves and smells. The smells and sounds of the city enveloped Charlie as he watched the skyscrapers crash around him into shards of glass.

The End.

Royal Mutt and Panda Bear - Chapter 6: Love

“Are you a robot?”

The question caught Royal Mutt off guard.

Royal Mutt and Elle were sitting in her old white Infiniti on top of a hill. Above them the stars twinkled in the Southern Californian sky, below them laid the city, a sea of lights next to the sea.

Royal replied with a nervous laugh, “Heh…what?”

“Do you feel anything?”

“Of course I feel things.”

“Sometimes I wonder. You’re so cold and unemotional at times, it really makes me think you’re a robot.”

“I’m not a robot!”

Just as soon as the words came out he couldn’t believe how ridiculous they sounded. He just smiled to himself and looked down.

“That’s strange…” he thought to himself.

In the moonlight his front paws looked silver. He brought them closer to his face. The flesh from the bottom of his paws had peeled off.

“What the…”

He looked closer and could clearly see that underneath the fur and the flesh, his front paws were made of metal.

“I knew it, you ARE a robot!”

Royal woke up. It was day time. He was no longer in Elle’s car. He was in the passenger’s seat of his beat-up Neon, Panda Bear in the driver’s seat. The time was 1pm, exactly.

“I don’t think you’re a robot.”

“What?!”

Royal quickly checked his paws. They were back to normal.

“You were talking in your sleep. You said ‘I’m not a robot!’ and started moving your paws. Anyways, yes I agree you’re not a robot dog, they only have those in Japan and you’re not Japanese…are you?”

Royal was silent for a moment.

“What else did I say?”

“You were mumbling and moving around a lot. That was the only line I could understand. Must’ve been a crazy dream, what were you dreaming about?”

Royal looked out the window.

“Elle.”

“Huh. What does Elle have to do with robots?”

Royal shifted uncomfortably.

Royal replied, “She called me a robot once, said I was too cold.”

Panda, clearly disappointed, said, “Now that’s less exciting. I thought maybe you were dreaming you were a robot that had gained self awareness and was trying to get accepted into the last surviving animal colony after those crazy humans blew everything up and…”

“No.”

“Oh.”

They both sat in silence.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

Royal looked outside at the highway signs.

“Looks like we’ll be home soon.”

“Yeah,” Panda replied, “We past Bakersfield about an hour ago.”

The long rolling hills and the vacant dust bowl farms made Royal feel…sad.

“I’m not sure.”

“What?” Panda replied.

“Maybe I am a robot.”

“Ok Mr. Roboto, were you made in Japan or China like me?”

“I’m serious. With Elle, it was fun, we had some good times. But I was never sure about, you know…”

“Your feelings?”

“Yeah.”

“Love?”

Panda looked over at Royal and the word hit the mutt like a bullet.

Panda, “What happened happened. You are who you are because of your past. If you’re happy with who you are, it’s all good.”

“If you’re not happy?”

“What? You’re a cool cat, if you don’t mind me saying. And you’ve got plenty of emotion. Remember that time we saw that movie about the old guy with the balloons? During the opening sequence, you were crying a river, two to be exact! Robots don’t do that, unless you install w…

“It’s not just about having any emotion. It’s about, you know… love.”

“Did you love her?”

Royal, “I don’t know. I’m not sure I even know what love is.”

“You guys seemed pretty happy together.”

“We were. But something happened. One day I realized the fire had died. But even knowing that, I pushed on and I tried to make it work.”

“Why?”

“Because I was tired and lazy.”

Panda, “Wow that sounds lazy, even to me.”

“What I mean is I was tired of chasing after this abstract feeling, after love. I was thinking to myself, what if this is it? What if this is love and this is the best it can be? So I let it linger…”

“But you knew the fire was out.”

“Yeah.”

“And it ate at you.”

“Yeah.”

Panda, “What made the fire die?”

Royal Mutt sat thinking about it.

“What happened was one day I made a dumb joke and she didn’t get it. I told her, ‘You never get my jokes.’ But the way I said that was the equivalent of saying, ‘You’re stupid.’”

Panda, “Dude that’s messed up. What was the joke?”

Royal, “That’s not the point! And I don’t even remember it. The point is that I was being an asshole. It was puppish and immature and looking back on the relationship, I could pick out points where I would do the same thing and try to undermine her.”

“Why would you do that?”

“The fire was out and even if consciously I was still in this relationship, my unconscious was doing everything it could to get out of it.”

“Sabotage?”

“Yeah, I can’t stand it but that’s what I was doing.”

Panda, “Why didn’t you just be straight up with her? Let her know what you felt, or in this case, not feel?”

Royal, “I was afraid I would hurt her.”

Panda, “Uh…”

“I know, dumb isn’t? Because I didn’t want to hurt her I hurt her more. Fuck.”

Panda looked at Royal and could tell he was hurting. Whenever Royal gets down, he’ll physically look down and start showing his teeth, as if he was getting ready to fight with himself.

Royal looked back up at Panda.

Royal, “I did learn one thing. You can’t hold it in. You can’t expect to pretend everything is ok and hope by doing so that things will become ok. The conversation we had before we broke up should’ve happened at least three months prior, but by then it was too late.”

Panda, seeing that the conversation was getting Royal down, tried to cheer him up, “Well at least you learned something. If you’re a robot at least you got good AI.”

Royal, smiling slightly, “Heh.”

Outside the midday sun caused all the shadows to take cover underneath their three dimensional counterpart. A rest stop was coming up in 5 miles.

Royal, “Do you mind if we stop at the next rest stop? I feel like driving.”

Panda, “Great, I feel like sleeping.”

They continued north.

The War

A page from "The War" By Katherine Cheng

Source: Growing Up Asian in American, 1995

Royal Mutt and Panda Bear - Chapter 5: The Pack

"The Pack" title artwork posted here.

Royal Mutt sat in the passenger seat, going in and out of sleep. The landscape passed him by like a choppy movie jumping from scene to scene as he struggled to keep his eyes opened.

The time was 11:58 AM, give or take three minutes.

Panda Bear spoke, "Royal."

Royal Mutt shook his head awake.

Royal, "Yeah?"

Panda Bear, "Got any stories to tell? I'm getting kinda tired."

Royal, "You want to switch?"

Panda Bear, "Nah it's cool, we're making good time now and we just stopped so it's all good."

Royal thought silently for a long time.

________

There was a pack of dogs that grew up together in a small town. The pack was a nontraditional pack in the sense that no one was in charge. The pack would just roam the streets, picking up what scraps that they could and pass the time hanging out, chasing cats, and playing ball. They lived in an abandoned concrete lot with a rusted metal roof that protected them from the rain. They called it home.

They knew their place in this world. They knew that they loved this town and that although there might be greater things out there in the world, they were at least safe here. However, out of this unspectacular group of dogs, there were two that stood out: Wolf and Charlie.

Wolf was a strong, smart wolf-dog with a large white mane with a silver diamond tuff of hair in the center. Charlie was a tall and fierce black lab with an easy temper.

Frequently frustrated with the lack of direction with the pack, Wolf took the role of leader planning excursions out for food and trips around town.

Charlie resented Wolf, he loved the freedom of having no alpha dog, and would constantly butt heads with Wolf and try to undermine Wolf. The rest of the pack would always just watch amused, content to sit by the sidelines and not take any sides.

At one point, Wolf and Charlie had a confrontation that almost led to a dog fight. Wolf had decided that on that particular afternoon, the pack, excluding Charlie, was going to make a trip to the other side of town to get food since the trash collector had already collected all the trash in their neighborhood this morning.

Due to a recent possum attack, Charlie, the fiercest of the group, was dictated the role of guard dog until they came back. Charlie, not wanting to take orders from this self appointed leader, barked back, 'Wolf, I don't have to listen to you. I know that when you find a stuffed bin you will keep all the best scraps for yourself, leaving me with measly leftovers.'

Though this comment was probably more true for Lazy and Carl, Charlie singled out Wolf. Wolf tried to explain why Charlie was the best fit for being the guard dog, that the only other pack member as strong as Charlie was probably himself.

'Then why don't you be guard dog?,' Charlie barked back at Wolf. Wolf looked into Charlie's eyes. There was a long silence and the tension began to grow unbearable. Finally Wolf said very stoically to Charlie, 'Fine.'

Charlie turned to the pack that sat watching and as they made their way out to the street, Wolf, sitting in the center of the lot all by himself, said to Charlie and the pack, 'Goodbye.'

The pack made their way across town slowly. Charlie assumed that someone else in the pack knew the way, but everyone else thought that Charlie knew. Charlie not wanting to look bad in this new found position and definitely not wanting to turn to Wolf for help, used his sense of direction and got the pack lost many times much to the growing frustration and hunger of the pack.

When Charlie and the pack eventually got back from the other side of town, they found their home overrun with possums. Charlie's killer instinct switched on and began lunging at the possums and attacking with his jaws. He took some scratches to the face, but bit back twice as hard as the rest of the pack stood back and barked.

When everything settled down, and the possums had run away, Charlie realized that Wolf was gone and had been gone for a while. Charlie took it upon himself to search the lot for more possums as the rest of the pack chose to sleep rather than to help.

The next morning, Lazy was found dead behind the concrete lot, clawed to death by some possums that had made a nest in a corner that Charlie had overlooked. The possums were already long gone. The whole pack was in outrage and blamed Charlie for the death and for Wolf's departure. They all gathered around Charlie (yet still keeping a good distance) and unanimously agreed that Charlie was out of the pack and the only way he could return was if he returned with Wolf.

Disillusioned and with no place to go, Charlie set out to find Wolf. He made his rounds around town to the regular food stops, asking strays and other packs if they had seen or gotten a whiff of Wolf. Silver Stray, an old silver lab, had picked up a scent while passing the exit from town to the City.

Charlie following the scent traveled to the City, a metropolis that was a good day's jog away from town. Arriving there, he found himself in culture shock. The tall skyscrapers' loomed overhead as if to crash at any moment. The stunning skyline was a stark contrast to the darkness below, where he saw a dog kill another dog over a canister of pills.

He was by far one of the fiercest dogs in his town, but he found himself quivering as mangy dogs that smelled of shit and urine barked and snapped at him as he made his way out of the alleys of the City.

He eventually got to a park that was in a much nicer district, but by then it was dark and Charlie, feeling safer, made his home under a bench. Early next morning he began to ask the locals if they had seen Wolf. The dogs there however did not even give him the time of day, and passed him by or pretended to not hear him.

As he made his way to the edge of the park, he got a second whiff of Wolf and followed it to a beautiful oak tree that stood out like a sore paw.

Wolf sat under the tree looking out into the city streets. 'Wolf!' Charlie yelled out.

Wolf turned and looked surprised. 'Charlie?'

They met each other under the shade of the oak and nearly touched noses until they remembered the animosity they were supposed to feel towards each other.

'Lazy's dead. We need you back.'

Surprised, Wolf said, 'What?'

"'Lazy, he got killed by possums, it's all your fault. You were supposed to watch the home. You weren't there, you let down the pack, you got one of our own killed you son of a bitch,' Charlie barked.

Wolf sat, looking at Charlie.

'Did you come all the way here to blame me?', Wolf said.

'Yes and also to bring you back. You're going to have to face the entire pack for what you did.'

'What I did? All I did was give you what you wanted, freedom from my orders,' Wolf replied.

'But you were supposed to watch the home, that was your job! You had a responsibility and you threw it away!' There were tears in Charlie's eyes.

'I gave you that job first remember? My job was to get our pack food because I knew the way, but you were too stubborn to even recognize that fact and undoubtedly got our pack lost and hungry. It wasn't easy for me to leave, that was my home too. But I could see that living there and being the alpha, I was only going to get resentment from those dogs, you showed me that.'

'What the hell are you talking about?' replied Charlie.

'I tried my best, I really did,' it was Wolf's turn to have tears in his eyes. 'The pack, I mean I love them, I was willing to give them everything. They have so much potential, all those dogs, but I realized that they are not me. They're content chasing cars, stealing meat from the butcher, chasing tail. I'm not saying that's wrong, that's their choice. But life is an incredible mystery. I felt that in that small town and in that small pack I only got the tip of the garbage heap. I was planning on leaving anyways, and when you left with the pack, I saw my opportunity.'

'What the hell does this have to do with anything?' Charlie snapped back, 'You were supposed to do something and failed. You see these scratches on my face? Do you know how mutilated Lazy's body was when I found him?'

Wolf's face quickly changed from a face of sensitivity to that of anger, an anger born from exhaustion.

'I'm tired.'

'Huh?'

'I'm tired of taking all the blame. I'm tired of being responsible for things other grown dogs should have easily handled by themselves. Did you really come all this way to put the blame on me? Fine. You win. I'll take the blame, I'll wear the weight of Lazy's death on my back. But remember this, this is the last time. From now on you're responsible for your own life. You didn't come all the way here just to make yourself feel better. Even though you hated me the most out of the pack, know this, I always had the most respect for you.'

Stunned, always thinking that Wolf detested him, Charlie sat listening.

'You know why? Because at least you had an opinion, at least you were willing to confront me. And although your intentions might not have been a 100% right, at least you took action. You came here because you knew you were different. You have a different path from the pack, as do I. I won't be able to carry you on the path because I'm trying to discover what that is for myself. I'm going to leave now and I don't want you to follow me. If you do, I will kill you. But if we do meet again, let it be further down the road when we are better dogs and can be better friends.'

Charlie watched like a statue frozen by Wolf's words as Wolf sat up from under the tree and disappeared into the city streets. After some time, Charlie took Wolf's place under the tree and sat quietly.

He could hear the wind, the hum of humans and machines, and other dogs barking in the distance. The slight breeze brought with it a small hurricane of leaves and smells. The smells and sounds of the city enveloped Charlie as he watched the skyscrapers crash around him into shards of glass.

The End.

________

Royal looked over at Panda. Panda's eyes looked closed.

"Panda!" Royal barked loudly.

Panda opened his eyes and started laughing. "Haha, I totally got you. I was awake, good story dog. I especially like the part where Charlie fights the possums."

Royal grumbled under his breath.

Panda Bear looked briefly at Royal and then out onto the road, "The story reminds me of someone."

They continued to head north.

Oakland Cell

He's walking on a late, dark night on a bridge at the south end of Lake Merritt making his way to Blockbuster to return some movies. He's on his new sleek silver Samsung Katalyst slide cell phone, talking to his girlfriend. He's helping her on her grad school interviews by pretending to be an interviewer.

"So why do you want to come to this school?"

As his girlfriend gives her reasons, he sees an elegant white stork in a shallow area of the lake that's closest to him. He carefully orchestrates using one hand to pull out his camera, a fairly new lite silver Canon IXY Digital 910IS, to take some pictures while his other hand is busy holding the phone. His personal distaste for multi-tasking is superseded by the urge to capture an image of the serene stork silently meditating on one leg.

"Ok, I see. What kind of experience do you believe makes you qualified to attend our University?"

As he turns away from the stork to go on his way, he notices a dark green compact car parked on the road directly to his right. A teenage African-American girl sitting in the passenger seat looks at him and says something to him in a semi-hushed voice.

"...one, " she says.

"Hold on," he says to his girlfriend and then to the girl in the car, "What did you say?"

"......ph......" she says, still in a hushed half hearted tone of voice.

A bit annoyed he says, "I can't hear you!"

"Can we use your phone, it's an emergency!" the young girl belts out.

He stares perplexed at the girl, because she's holding a cell phone or a cell phone-like object in her lap. Plus, "I'm not going to give my phone to someone in a car," he thinks to himself.

A 5'11'', early 20-something African-American girl, gets out from the driver's seat and walks around the car over to him.

"Can we use your phone, it's an emergency," the girl says to him. She's wearing a gray short sleeve sweatshirt and gray sweat pants.

He eye's the car. There's another African-American girl sitting in the left backseat and in the right backseat, the side facing him, there's an African-American teenage boy staring at him. When they make eye contact he says aggressively, "Yeah foo, it's an emergency."

He hesitates. The black girl then looks at him straight in the eyes and says, "It's an emergency, can we use your phone?" In her voice he senses sincerity and disregards the boy in the backseat.

"Sure," he then says to his girlfriend on the other line, "Let me call you back."

He puts away his camera, which the tall girl sees, and then hands her his phone and she looks at it. There are some orange water filled roadside dividers between them that rise to his waist.

"Is it 510?"

"Nah, it's 408 so you have to dial 1 and the area code, wait, you just have to dial in the area code then the number."

She punches in some numbers then yells to the girl in the car, "What's the number again?"

The girl in the passenger seat, as if still talking into a pillow, says something back to the tall girl.

"What I can't hear you."

He looks at the tall black girl and then at the car and the thought that presented itself in hesitation before, becomes a tangible reality in his mind: "They might steal my phone." He takes note of the orange dividers and is confident that if the tall girl makes a break for it, he'll be able to hop it and catch up to her before she makes it back to her seat.

"What'd you say girl?"

She starts making her way slowly back to the car and sits in the driver's seat. Not wanting to provoke an incident he stands there deceiving himself, "Maybe she's just trying to get the number."

This thought seems to gain more truth in the anxious seconds that the car sits idly.

Then the engine starts.

The young punk in the back yells at him, "Gotcha phone nigga!" and slams the door. Everyone in the car laughs. He stands frozen as the car speeds away, focusing all his attention on reciting the license plate before it's out of sight.

"4TDH308, 4TDH308, 4TDH308, 4TDH308..."

As the car speeds out of sight, he continues to look at the direction the car has driven and half-joking to himself, thinks that they might turn back to give back his phone.

"4TDH308, 4TDH308, 4TDH308..."

He knows he's fucked and the only solace he can find is in reciting his new mantra and to find a nearby phone.

-----

It's a bright afternoon and I've just finished tutoring an after school program in Oakland. As I walk down the steps a student asks me, "Can I use your phone?" She's an African-American 6th or 7th grader and tall for her age. The two week old tinge of pain, lying in my emotional background, surges forward fresh and anew.

I answer coldly, "What do you need to use the phone for?"

"I need to call my mom to pick me up."

I look at my old NOKIA, a sad silver solid slab of plastic with a scraped face and a hidden new SIM card, sitting in my hand.

"If you want to steal this piece of shit, it'll probably slow you down and I don't see anywhere you can run where I won't be able to catch you," I think to myself.

I hand her the phone and she looks at it.

"Do I have to enter 510?"

"Yeah."

She types in some numbers and listens to the ring tone. No one picks up.

She hands the phone back to me.

"No one picked up?" I say, feeling the words shoot out with a suppressed anger. I can't believe I just let her borrow my phone.

"Yeah."

"Did you want to call her back?"

"Nah."

"Leave a voicemail?"

"Nah."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

I put the phone back into my jacket pocket only to double check to see if it's still there 10 seconds later.

A pair of black highschoolers, dressed in jeans and hoodies, make their way towards me on the sidewalk. I feel this mental and physical guard go up and even after they walk away, I'm still tense.

"I hate this feeling," I say to myself.

Panda Bear and Royal Mutt, Chapter Four: Importance

drawing by LONG

Panda Bear sat munching his veggie burger at an In-N-Out off the I-5. A kid that was sitting at a nearby table was drinking soda very methodically. He was sipping through a straw and then immediately covering the straw with his index finger. Then after positioning the straw above his mouth he would let go of his index finger and let the soda flow down. Each time he did so, a smile of contentment warmed over his face.

Panda Bear (smiling to himself): Kids take joy in the simplest things.

Panda Bear and Royal Mutt were having a lunch break at an In-N-Out in the center of the the San Fernando Valley. Royal Mutt chewed his double-double as he looked out the window over the valley. The I-5 cut through it like a multicolor metallic snake, the cars scales on its back reflecting the relentless glare of the midday sun. It was terribly sunny and it was getting hotter by the minute.

Royal Mutt (thinking out loud): The Sunshine State.

Panda: What's that?

Royal: Nothing.

Royal Mutt took a big bite of his burger and continued to look out as if in a trance over the I-5. As he finished chewing his burger he spoke.

Royal (motioning to the freeway with his nose): Ever wonder where everyone is going?

Panda: I assume most of them are going to work.

Royal: Right.

Panda (motioning behind Royal): Man, the kid behind us is really funny. He's drinking his entire drink like this.

Panda Bear mimicked the boy's drinking procedure for Royal Mutt. Royal inconspicuously looked over his right shoulder at the kid. The kid's mother was sitting next to the kid and chided the child to stop and to just drink the drink directly. Royal Mutt looked back at Panda Bear and smirked.

Royal: What a scientist.

Panda: Oh, look.

The kid's mom took the straw away from the child not knowing that the straw had soda in it, thus spilling it out on her lap. She put the straw back in the drink and told the kid angrily to drink the drink straight and left for the restroom. The child drank his drink quietly.

Royal: Shame, the kid stopped. 

Panda: Well, the mom probably thought it wasn't good having her son playing around with food like that. Personally I thought it was entertaining.

Royal: Why wasn't it "good"?

Panda: The way the kid was drinking wasn't getting the soda to his mouth that well, which is important. 

Royal: Nothing is important.

Panda: Ok Mr. I want to live forever.

Royal: Importance is a creation, something we impose on reality. 

Panda: Then why do you impose so much importance on life?

Royal: Cuz I want to.

Panda: Hmm, well then that doesn't make you so different from the mom. The way you're defining importance, anyone can make anything important, for the mom it's to make the kid not fool around.

Royal: You're right, but what about the kid? When you realize nothing is important, you can see how no one's idea of importance overshadows another. Importance is an illusion.

Panda: So you're saying a kid's idea of importance is just as important as his mom's?

Before Royal Mutt could respond a pubescent, pimply In-N-Out clerk came to their table.

In-N-Out Clerk: Excuse me. Sorry, no animals inside.

Panda Bear and Royal Mutt got up out of their seats. They were done with their meals anyways. Royal made sure to mean mug the In-N-Out guy as he turned and walked away. The kid that was sitting at the other table pointed at them and laughed.

As they were leaving,

Royal (to Panda): That mom should teach that kid some manners.

Previously on Royal Mutt and Panda Bear:

Chapter 1: Time

Chapter 2: God

Chapter 3: Death

Royal Mutt and Panda Bear Are Back! Chapter Three: Death

drawing by APO

Royal Mutt drove listening to the quiet hum of the morning radio program as Panda Bear slept in the passenger seat. The morning rays were now fully stretching their arms and the highway was a sea of shining cars. They were approaching the bottleneck that is known as LA traffic. The freshness of the morning air was beginning to lose to the exhaust of cars. They passed a shopping center on the right that had interesting architecture, it was made to look like an ancient ruin on the outside. However, Royal Mutt could see all too clearly the name brand stores that lurked within, stores that could be found in any non-ancient ruin shopping center. “Funny,” thought Royal. The time was 830am.

Royal Mutt was signaling to turn left and just as he was making the turn, a red GT mustang came from behind and roared into the space that Royal Mutt was turning into.

Royal Mutt: Fuck.

Royal Mutt beeped his horn, but the other driver paid no heed and made no gesture of acknowledgment.

Panda Bear woke up.

Panda Bear: What happened?

Royal: A car nearly hit us, we almost died.

Panda: Dang, that would’ve sucked.

Panda Bear then tried to make several unsuccessful attempts to fall back asleep, but couldn’t. Noticing the sun’s ascent, he brought out his bamboo plant and held it outside the window to catch some healthy rays. Royal Mutt noticed Panda Bear’s relaxed manner.

Royal: You seem quite happy, considering we almost died.

Panda Bear thought for a second.

Panda: Well, I’m sure that regardless of dying or not, there was nothing we could’ve done about it. These things happen, has nothing to do with me.

Royal: You’re not afraid of death?

Panda: No, not at all.

Royal: Why’d you say it would’ve sucked?

Panda: Hmm, well I just said that off the top of my head, again I was kinda sleepy when you asked me. It was just a social reflex, you say “we could’ve died” I say “that would’ve sucked”, you say “what’s up” and instead of saying “the sky” I would say “not much.” But honestly death doesn’t scare me.

Royal Mutt made a quick glance over at Panda Bear to check if Panda’s face matched his voice with the same sincerity. Panda Bear was calm and poised, with his right hand outside the window firmly gripping the base of his bamboo plant.


Royal (concentrating on the road): I want to live forever.

Panda (chuckling): Good luck with that.

Royal: You don’t want to?

Panda: If you mean living in this body forever, I’ll pass. I don’t think it’s natural, if there’s life there must be death.

Royal: Why?

Panda: Well, life needs death as much as death needs life. In this reality, everything is in flux, things change. For change to happen, the old has to make way for the new, thus: death. Everything has a time limit, thus living in accordance with everything else we must have a time limit as well.

The sun was getting stronger and the reflection off the other cars in traffic caught Royal Mutt in the eyes. He moved the sun visor to the front.

Royal: Regardless of if it’s natural or not, do you have the desire to live forever?

Panda: Nope. If life had no time limit, time here would be less worthwhile.

Royal was about to say something when Priscilla Ahn’s song “Dream” starting playing off the radio. They were both fans of the song.

Panda: This song reminds me of butterflies.

Royal: Yeah.

Royal Mutt had no idea why he agreed, but somehow it made sense to him. Royal checked his blind spot and carefully moved into the left lane.

The two of them were inching up I-5 as they made their way across the LA sprawl.

Panda Bear and Royal Mutt (Chapter Two: God)

Panda Bear and Royal Mutt have been driving for about an hour now, they just past Camp Pendleton and are in the middle of a discussion.

Royal Mutt: So I’m telling you, the idea of God is questionable.

Panda Bear from time to time doesn’t mind delving into these types of discussions, but Royal Mutt seems to have a bone to pick with religion.

RM: To take an example from Carl Sagan, let’s say I have an invisible dragon in my garage.

Panda Bear: Ok, now I’m interested.

RM: …no one can see this dragon except me. Not only is it invisible, it’s incorporeal. No matter what device you use to detect it: electromagnetism, sand on the ground, infrared goggles…there’s no way you can establish it’s there.

PB: What about luring it with a hot chick, like Kitty Pryde?

RM: Let’s say that even fails, what have we proven? Nothing. Saying I have an invisible dragon in my garage is equivalent to saying nothing at all.

PB: Ok, I see where you’re going with this, so…

RM: By extrapolation this can be made to apply to God.

PB: The way you were describing it I was thinking more of ghosts.

RB: Holy Ghosts.

PB: Well, maybe it’s just that our devices aren’t advanced enough to detect your dragon.

RM: True, but doesn’t that mean we should be improving and expanding on what we know versus chasing invisible dragons, ghosts, or gods? *sniff*sniff* Did you just fart?

PB: No, my invisible dragon did it.

RM: You’re overbearing.

Royal Mutt and Panda Bear (Chapter One: Time)

Royal Mutt sat in the car waiting. He looked at his car clock, it was 6:58 in the morning give or take 3 minutes. Panda Bear came out of his house with a small duffel bag and bamboo plant in hand. "Hey, sorry 'bout the wait," Panda Bear said as he got in through the passenger side door and put his stuff in the back.

Royal Mutt: It's cool.

Royal Mutt checked to see if any cars were coming on his left side, then he made a U-Turn and a left out onto the main road. In a matter of minutes they were on the 5 North.

RM: So we got a lot of free time, what we going to do?

Panda Bear: Time has always been free man.

RM: What do you mean?

PB: Well, I mean time is what we make of it right?

RM: Right.

PB: But before we make time anything, it's free.

Royal Mutt looked to the left, the small valleys of Southern California were getting their breakfast of morning sun. These indentions in the earth tucked away on the side of the highway were to him small beds of flora and fauna just waiting for their chance to explode onto the next evolutionary stage.

RM: (ruminating on what Panda Bear said) Hmm, never really thought about it that way.

The two continued north.