"Walkabout是個澳洲原住民從男孩到男生的過程, 一個男孩得去野地住長期(六個月)."
-從Wikipedia翻譯
怎麼說...從台北到最南點然後回去最北部, 有個成就感, 有個傷心...真的難解釋.
在石門的時候往者臺灣海峽就開始想太多...這個路程是為了什麼? 我真的有學到東西嗎? 我去過澳洲也是幹嘛的? 何必那麼辛苦賺錢然後跑來跑去把它花掉?
這些話讓我想到我父母. 對他們來說這四年我都沒有出息, 沒做甚麼讓他們覺得兒子有價值. 去台灣讀中文 (讀幹嗎, 為甚麼不學個技術), 回美國打工 (賺不到錢), 去澳洲當工人 (很丟臉), 去旅行花錢(為甚麼不把錢弄掉債)...
我知道他們的想法. 他們是為我好. 我過的生活他們根本不了解, 其實蠻多人不了解. 我也是覺得我是在個很深黑暗的地方摸來摸去, 在找路的人, 然後父母一直覺得他們需要推我去模個方向我才不會跳岸.
但在石門, 看那些釣魚人的小登浮在水上我有的到個魔術感, 得到個靈感.
我明天死掉的話, 對, 我會覺得, "幹! 我還有很多事要做!" 但是我覺得我過的生活是很幸福, 我碰到的人很有趣, 我看過的事情很豐富...我覺得我的生活有價值.
每個行程要結束. 我回去會好好跟我爸媽大和解希望他們了解這段時間我是很需要的.
"A walkabout refers to a rite of passage during which male Australian Aborigines would undergo a journey during adolescence and live in the wilderness for a period as long as six months."
-Wikipedia
How do I say this...after going from Taipei to the most southern point and all the way back up to the top of the island, there's a feeling of accomplishment, but there's also a sadness lurking about inside.
Standing on a pier in Shimen, looking out at the waters of the Taiwan Strait I begin to think too much...what was this trip for? Did I really gain anything? And why the hell did I go to Australia for? Why should I work my ass off doing manual labor and then go run around spending all my hard earned money?
These thoughts made me think of my parents. To them, these past four years I've done nothing of merit, nothing of real value. Went to Taiwan to study Chinese (why don't you study a real skill?), went back to the states and worked part-time (there's no money in that), went to Australia and did manual labor (that's embarrassing), traveled and spent my money (why don't you use your money more wisely?)...
I know how they think. They want what's best for me. They totally don't understand the life I lead, actually, most people don't understand. And to be honest, I don't get it that much either. I feel like a guy wandering in the pitch dark, feeling my way around. My parents feel as if they don't push me in what they think is the right direction, I'm going to fall off a cliff.
But here in the evening darkness at Shimen (Stone Gate), watching the bright green and pink glow-sticks attached to the fishermens' bait float gently on the water, I feel a bit of magic, a bit of inspiration.
If I died tomorrow, yeah, I'll say to myself, "FUCK! I still have so much more to do!" But even then, I believe that my life is blessed. I've met so many interesting people, I've seen so many different places.
I believe my life, the life I led and the life I lead, has worth.
Every journey has to end. When I get home I'll be sure to make up with my parents and hopefully get them to understand that this "wasted time" was time I truly needed.
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